remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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