It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Alive.
So much puke
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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