who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize