the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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