I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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