just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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