i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize