fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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