I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize