you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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