Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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