I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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