She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize