walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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