She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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