im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize