Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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