and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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