Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize