I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize