I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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