shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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