im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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