You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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