just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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