Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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