I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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