Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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