i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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