Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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