Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize