i was rollin on her like bob the builder
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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