I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize