I cut my penus on the lid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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