In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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