I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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