I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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