i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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