i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize