Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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