he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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