I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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