I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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