HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize