The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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