I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize