why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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