he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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