I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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