he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He shit in the fireplace
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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